Naps: The Abridged Series

Daybreakers

2010-01-24T13:16:00.000-08:00

You know what? This movie was surprisingly good.

I went into it thinking it would be alright, but I was not expecting too much. Turns out, this movie is carried by the actors.

Ethan Hawke, who I am not a huge fan of, did a pretty damn good job in this movie. He played a blood doctor working for the vampires trying to make a synthetic blood since the human population is running out. He is a human sympathizer and hates being a vampire. He eventually works with the human to find a cure for vampirism.

Willem Dafoe rocks. He rocks in just about everything he is involved in. He played Elvis, a vampire who was turned back into a human, and leads groups of humans to try to stay alive and develop a cure.

Sam Neill was probably the standout of this movie. He plays the head of the largest blood company in the America. His company harvests blood from humans and supplies it to companies and people all across the world. He plays a fantastic evil businessman.

The movie itself is a bit of a social commentary, but it is not overly preachy either. Overall, it is a damn entertaining film.

Sorry for the shortness/lack of posts lately, but the writing bug hasn't bitten me in a while, here is hoping for a more productive 2010.

Pat Robertson: Asshole for the Ages

2010-01-15T12:17:00.000-08:00

This guy is amazing. Not amazing in a good way, just amazing. I will give him this, he has balls.

For those who don't know what I am talking about, check youtube for his latest diatribe on the massive earthquake in Haiti.

One word describes him, and that word is asshole.

If there is a God, you know how embarrassed he is of people like this.

RIP

2009-12-20T18:01:00.000-08:00

Brittany Murphy

November 10, 1977 – December 20, 2009

R.I.P.

Terrible Tie-In: NES Marathon

2009-12-12T16:09:00.001-08:00

When looking through my emulators lately, I have come across a whole cornucopia of crap. I did not grow up with an NES, so I really don't have the nostalgic ties to these games, giving me a face value approach when playing them. For the most part, they suck. Hate to say it, but for every Super Mario Bro's there are 12 Deadly Towers's. When ramdonly looking through, I came across a ton of tie-in's of yerter-year, and have decided to share some quick thoughts on my findings.

Dungeons and Dragons

Can you believe there are 4 D&D games on the NES? 4?! I never played D&D so I don't know anything about the story. Upon putting about a half hour of playtime into each of them, I have to say they range from awful to mediocre. Spoony already did two of them, but the black sheep of the franchise has to be Dragon Strike. Instead of being an RPG, this is a game where you control a dragon, fly around, and kill other dragons and random crap. Not the best game by any means but it is still relatively fun.

The Simpsons

AVGN already did an episode on a lot of these games, and for the most part he is dead on about them. The one I want to talk about is Bartman meets Radioactive man, which was also a short live set of comics in the early 90's (no lie, I own one of them). This game has ass written all over it. The graphics are garbage, the music is annoying, the controls are delayed and sluggish, and the game is just not fun.

Darkman

Sam Raimi's oddball take on the superhero movie was made into a game, I couldn't believe it either. For once, the game tries to accurately follow the story line, with the characters looking like who they should be and the game progressing in the proper fashion...up to a point. The main drawback of this game is the god awful control scheme. The punches are slightly delayed, the hit detection is awful, the enemies are wayyyyy too strong (the first thug in the game takes 9 hits to kill), and the jumping is ridiculously bad.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Wow, who remembers this show from the early 90's? I vaguely remember watching an episode or two when I was younger, and that is about my only connection to this shitpile. I really had no idea what I was supposed to be doing through the first level alone. The B button does nothing, while A lets you jump. You don't really walk or run, it is more of a shuffle. The graphics are pure garbage and there is no reason to put any time into this.

Alladin

Yeah, appreantly there was an Alladin game made for the NES...in 1996. Don't ask me if it is one of those ripoff titles I have no idea. I do know it is basically a port of the SNES game. It isn't bad, even though the music will randomly cut out or just not be there at all. In the first level...there is no music. None. I never liked the SNES version that much, because it was more a platforming game than the sword slashing masterpiece that was released for the Genesis. The Genesis game was also hard, balls hard, but hard in a good way, not in a crapping programming way. The programming for this is fine, it is just of the pussier game, hence it is fail.

There are more I will go into next time as I delve deeper into the bowels of the NES tie-in library.

Fuck This Game: Fallout 3

2009-11-27T13:20:00.000-08:00

Just kidding.

This game rocks, plain and simple. The story is pretty good, the gameplay is awesome, and the sheer scope of everything you can do is mind boggling. There is not much to say, it is a near perfect game. Sometimes the VATS targeting system gives weird camera angles (very rarely), the third person perspective is choppy looking (but you will almost never use it), and the character animations are pretty robotic, but besides that I have absolutely no major complaints about this game. If you want a game worth your money this is the way to go. Also, the Game of the Year edition is only $30 bucks, which includes all the DLC, so it is well worth the price for over 150+ hours of gameplay.

If you haven't played this, go out and play it...right now.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

What the hell is it with Uma Thurman and being in movies with puns?

2009-11-14T00:53:00.000-08:00

Uma Thurman is a bitch.

No, I don't know her personally, but she is a bitch.

Why is she a bitch? Becuase every movie she touches is god awful (with the exception of Pulp Fiction).

I am going to go through a quick rundown of movies I have seen with her ugly face in it.

Pulp Fiction

Holy fucknugget is her part boring. No, she is not sexy. No, she is not cool. No, she cannot pull off Tarentino dialogue. She does some drugs, talks hip, dances terribly, then OD's. Travolta should have left her ass to die.

The Avengers

Wow. That is all I have to say about this movie. Uma Thurman as a sexy British spy. Let that sink in for a moment. Who the hell cast her for this part? One, she is not sexy. Two, she cannot act. Three, she cannot pull off a British accent. Four, she sucks. This movie is terrible on the whole, and it is also full of British quip. Lots of puns and sexual innuendo in this one. I am serious, there is not one line that she does not blurt out something with pun or sex related. God I hate her.

Batman and Robin

The movie with 1 pun every 2 minutes (I took a tally). Once again, she plays the sex symbol of the movie. Once again, she does it terribly. I don't have to say why this movie sucks.

Be Cool

Ewww, Uma Thurman in a bikini. No tits, no ass, no boner, that's what I always say. The puns are reduced a lot in this movie, but it is still a shitburger, and she is the bun.

Kill Bill 1 & 2

These movies suck. The best part is that she barely talks in it, and the best parts were when she gets her shit ruined in the flashbacks. It is nearly 4 combined hours of her trying to act like a tough chick. Fail.

I know she is in more garbage, but I can guarantee what her role would be. In fact I am going to write a movie just for her that she would be perfect to play.

Uma Thurman stars in "Self Empowered Pun Queen in a Tight Outfit"

Tagline: no acting required

State of the NFL: Rest of NFC East

2009-11-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I don't really feel like going through all the stats and players of the rest of the league, so here is a quick rundown...

New York Giants

Started the season 5-0, now 5-3. I think Eli's ankle injury is more of a detriment that he is letting on. If he cannot put pressure on his throwing ankle, he can't produce. Jacobs isn't the Jacobs of old, but is still a great threat. The defense is decent, but nowhere near it's past glory, and the pre-season loss of Kenny Phillips is showing its ugly head. Manningham and Smith are great receivers, but I do not think it is enough.

Dallas Cowboys

Started 2-2, Won 3 straight. This is a team where the offense is really starting to come together, with Miles Austin leading the way. There are holes in the whole team though, and I am not sold on the defense. We will all have a better idea about where this division stands after this week.

Washington Redskins

Holy God is this franchise in trouble. Bad coach, bad QB, bad everything. They are the #3 pass defense in the entire NFL, so that is about the only plus side I can see. Scrap this season, start building for 2010.

AFC East rundown coming soon.

2009 World Series

2009-11-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

Yankees were the better team.

There. I said it.

That being said, the Phillies are still the best team in the NL. We will be back to the World Series for a long time to come.

The Yankees can have their team of all stars from yesteryear, this young core will be around for a long time.

Lets start a new dynasty for a new millenium.

Lets go Phils!!!!!

State of the NFL: Philadelphia Eagles

2009-11-02T10:21:00.001-08:00

Now that we are officially halfway through the season, I figured I would share my thoughts on each NFL team, division by division. I figured I would start this new segment with the division that is home to my Eagles, the NFC East.

Philadelphia Eagles

I still do not know what to think about this team. They stand at 5-2, tied for first place with the Dallas Cowboys, so you would think that they must be a good team. Not so fast. The first part of their schedule was a joke, getting blowout wins off the biggest garbage in the NFL (Carolina, Washington, Tampa Bay, and Kansas City), getting blown out by New Orleans, losing to Oakland, then coming back and wrecking the NY Giants. It is a typical Andy Reid season, up and down playing resulting in them probably backing their way into the playoffs, where they will get farther than they should but losing before the Superbowl. Andy Reid still never runs the ball, then when he does they win. When he goes the pass heavy route, they lose. Donovan McNabb is still a good weapon, but is constantly plagued by his lack of accuracy and big game mentality. DeSean Jackson is quickly turning into one of the biggest weapons in the NFL at wide receiver, and Brent Celek has proved that a tight end can be a viable option in a west coast offense.

Next time, the NFC East continues with the NY football Giants.

New Segment and other updates

2009-10-24T12:22:00.000-07:00

New Segment coming!!!!

In two weeks I am going to undertake a new project that will take up a good deal of November, the State of the NFL segment. Each week I will look at one division from both the NFC and AFC and see how each team is doing at the halfway point of the season. Being a big football fan, I think I can give some insight. I know it's not the typical nerd blog subject, but I consider hardcore love of fantasy sports one of the geekiest things out there.

Also, going to have a new "Fuck This" up by the end of the month. Also, I am going to try to throw in another "Terrible Tie-In" as well. For this one I am going to search long and hard through my thousands of roms for one of the worst tie-ins out there.

I also wanted to thank whoever the random reader was that suggested I get a profile on Whohub. It looks like a cool place for a little self promotion so any help is greatly appreciated.

Until next time.

World Series '09

2009-10-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say congrats to my Phillies for making it to the World Series for the second year in a row. If you're a Yankees fan and you are reading this, I apologize in advance for the brutal beating your going to get come next Wednesday.

Steel Panther

2009-10-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

It isn't normal that I talk about music I like, but hell, this blog is about what goes on inside my head. I guess the reason I don't talk about music much is because there really is no point. I could talk about my favorite bands and why, but I doubt anyone really gives two shits. I could also talk more about new bands that come out, but to be perfectly honest, I haven't listened to the radio in years since getting my Zune (fuck Apple).

I did want to talk about this band that was introduced to me recently, a band known as Steel Panther. Long story short, it is an 80's hair metal sytle band that specializes in the juvenille and the perverted, and god dammit do I love every second of it.

If there is one thing in music that pisses me off more than anything, it is when artists take themselves too seriously. For most famous musicians, the second they become famous they feel they have a better perspective on life, culture, and for some reason politics when they reach #40 on the Billboards. The fact of the matter is you play an instrument, your not the next Ghandi.

Neyhoo, every song is hilarious, and the music is spot on. With each song, you can tell which riff or which 80's band they are ripping off. With songs like "Asian Hooker," "Death to all but Metal," "Party all Day (Fuck All Night)," and "Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'," this really is just a band you can sit back and laugh with. The musicianship is really well done, with thunderous drums and ripping guitar solo's. If you enjoy the humor of Tenacious D, or the random insanity of Primus, this is a band for you.

Fuck This Movie: Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

Why does everything need to be sad these days?

Really, that is all I want to know.

Why does everything have to be sad and morose? Why can't anything just be fun anymore? Why can't a kid's movie about imagination and adventure just be that?

For those who don't know about this book/movie, there are going to be spoilers in this review. It's not like the whole 10 sentences of text from the book should really give anything away.

The movie starts with a kid named Max (played by Max Records) who is building a snow fort and wants his sister to see. His sister is busy doing something else, so he feels sad. When his sister and her friends come out of the house, they have a playful snowball fight, winding up with Max's snow fort being caved in. This makes Max cry. Get ready, you are going to see this happen a lot.

From there it goes into the same sequence for the next hour and a half.

something cute

something sad

something really cute

something depressing

something adorable

something that makes me contemplate suicide

That brings me to my biggest problem with the movie, how fucking depressing it is. This is a movie based off a beloved kids book, where the hell in those 10 sentences did Spike Jonze get the idea to have an emotionally disturbed kid who doesn't have a dad? Where did he get the idea for him to get mad at his mom for having a boyfriend, then go to the land of monsters where they are all depressed? Is no one happy ever?

The first problem with this movie is the character of Max himself. He is a whiny crybaby little brother type character. You know those annoying younger brother characters in movies who are brats and just piss you off? Well, Max is that character, only he is the main character of this movie unlike other movies where that type of character would only be support. You start the movie hating this kid. He cries over nothing, constantly needs attention, and bites his fucking mom because she won't play in his fort. In between all that he cries a lot. After biting his mom he runs away from home, leaving her to endless hours of worry and regret.

After those awful 10 minutes we go to the land of the Wild Things. Think we are finally going to get some joy and entertainment? WRONG! Nope, just obnoxious characters, Jewish stereotypes, and more fucking depression. After shitting on the Wild Thing community for an hour Max cries a lot then decides to go home. When he gets home he gets a big hug from mommy and cake.

Let me get this straight, the moral is you can act like a total brat, run away from your problems, go somewhere else, fuck up their lives, run away from those problems, then get cake.

Fuck you Spike Jonze.

Fuck this movie. Fuck Where the Wild Things Are.

Zombieland

2009-10-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Well, it is October, no better time than now to release a movie about zombies. Whereas most movies on the subject are either high paced action movies, or social commentaries, this movie goes the surprisingly less explored route of making a comedy element out of it.

The movie starts off slow, but gradually picks up along the way. It stars Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus, a nerdy recluse of a college student who is one of the few survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse. He meets up with Woody Harrelson who plays Tallahassee, a man who has two loves: killing zombies and Twinkies. They eventually meet up with Witchita (played by Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), two other survivors who con men using their womanly charms.

I had a few problems with this movie, mainly the pacing. It just goes so slow at times that I was bored in my seat, and the funny moments were the only thing breaking up the monotony. I also did not like Jesse Eisenberg at all. I really don't know what it was, but I really just did not like him at all throughout the course of the movie. He never made me laugh, and I never could get into the character. Everyone else did a good job though, so I cannot blame the acting for any of the movie's faults. The movie does pick up though about halfway through after a cameo by Bill Murray. I have said it before and I'll say it again, Bill Murray makes everything better.

I think I was not sure what I wanted from this movie going into it, and I did not feel like I got a lot coming out. Maybe I have been spoiled lately by comedies such as Superbad and The Hangover, but when I see a comedy I want to be rolling the entire time. This movie had its moments, just not enough of them. Still, it is not a bad movie, not by any stretch. I just don't think it is worth spending $10.50 on in a theater. Final verdict: Wait 3 months for the DVD.

Fuck this Director: Michael Moore

2009-10-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

Nothing special this time, just fuck him.

Terrible Tie-In: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for Sega Genesis

2009-09-27T01:55:00.000-07:00

Man, do I love this game. I remember going over to my friend's house to play as one of my favorite rangers against Rita Repulsa. You would go through the level in the classic beat-em-up fashion, going through wave after wave of Putty Patrolers before you morphed, went through more putties, then fought the monster. What a great game that was. Unfortunately, it was for the SNES and not the Genesis, which is all I had growing up.

This game is an atrocity. I have no idea why they would ever change the type of game they were making. I know the Genesis was not as powerful as the SNES, but why did they have to make it a completely different game? Mortal Kombat had different ports, with the SNES having better music and better pit fatalities, but this is just ridiculous.

In the SNES version of the game (and also the Game Gear of all systems), MMPR was a side scrolling beater in the vein of Final Fight and Streets of Rage. It was 16 bit gaming at its finest. Before each level, you would get a little story, go through, fight the boss, get more story, and so on. Like the episodes, you would fight the patrolers and then go against one of the monsters. It was like clockwork, a perfect tie-in that was fan service at its finest. Why the fuck did they go with the Street Fighter 2 knockoff for the Genesis?

On the genesis, the only backstory is what you get in the first 5 minutes of the TV show, Rita gets released and Zordon assembles a team of "teenagers with attitudes." from there, it is your basic fighting game, just terribly done. You play as one of the five rangers, fight through the monster, then fight through the giant version of the monster in with the Megazord. One thing I love is that the sprites for the rangers and the MZ are exactly the same, just the backgrounds are different to try to give it a bigger feel about itself. The controls for this game are God awful as well. I consider the 6 button to be the granddaddy to the greatest fighting game controller of all time, the Sega Dreamcast controller, but even that greatness does not save this. The moves are marginally the same, you basic hadoken or thousand hand slap can give you some moves for rangers, but really, it just works out terribly. The controls have at least a second lag, the movements of the fighters is slow, and the moves are so hard to pull off.

Before and during each level, you see the same cutscenes. Rita makes a monster, sends it down, after losing the first round she makes it grow, then you fight in the Zord. After a few levels (I think 3), you unlock the Green Ranger and can use the Dragonzord as well. Eventually, you can use the MegaDragonZord but all of the zords play pretty much the same way, as do the rangers themselves.

The thing that pisses me off is how half-assed a tie in this really is. At least in Batman Forever you had a terrible game but at least it tried to give the player its money's worth. In this, you can beat the game in pretty much a half hour, depending on how decent you are. I am so glad I did not buy this at full price when I was a kid, and I was one of the biggest Power Ranger fans out there. I bought this for 3 bucks at a Gamestop recently and still feel ripped off.

No ratings breakdowns this time, because this really might be one of the worst tie-in's of all time. This might be on par with Superman 64 and ET for the 2600, it is that bad. Hell, at least with those games they are so broken you need to put some time in to beat them, not like this complete waste of plastic.

Old Heroclix Reviews

2009-09-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone.

Just thought I would share a piece of my reviewing past. For almost two years I was doing reviews of individual Heroclix pieces on the gaming website POJO.COM. Thought I kind of lost track of how the game was going, I enjoyed my time there, and it really is the best resource out there for all your gaming needs in Magic, Yu-Gi-Oh!, etc. Here the link to the "Click of the Day" section where I worked under the moniker "DrStrange86."

Enjoy!!!!!

http://www.pojo.com/heroclix/cotd/index.shtml

My reviews posted from 6/1/06 - 5/7/08

Awesome Hardware: Nintendo Wii Classic Controller

2009-09-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

You never really hear people talking about this controller too much, but I think it is one of the best peripherals the Wii has. For those who don't know, it is an all white (surprise) controller that comes with the button layout of the old SNES controller, with a few extra shoulder buttons and 2 analog sticks at the bottom. It is a pretty small controller, but still fits comfortably in one's hand. The control sticks feel really nice, and the design for the rubber tips really reduce any possible slippage.

I guess the reason this controller gets overlooked is because of all the other ways you can play Wii games. You have the Wiimote, the numchuck, Wii motion plus, Wii fit board, and that is not to mention the fact you can use the Gamecube controller OR all the peripherals for games like DDR or Guitar Hero. I guess with all these options, why would anyone want to spend another $40 on a controller they will probably barely use?

In my opinion, this is the best way to not only play your Virtual Console games, but to play a lot of other games as well. I never really liked the Wiimote for Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and I was never a fan of the gamecube controller layout for it either. I love the controller, don't get me wrong, but I never felt right using it with any fighting game. I also think this is the controller of choice for Mario Kart Wii. The Wiimote takes some getting used to, and I both feel and look like an asshole when using that damned plastic wheel.

I know there are alternatives. You can turn the mote NES style for virtual console, use the gamecube controller for brawl, or just use any controller you want for any of these options. Still, I love the way this controller plays and feels. If you are an old school gamer this is the controller for you when it comes to the Wii. It is well worth the money for hours of top notch gaming.

Quick Video Game Thoughts

2009-09-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

Well, for the past couple days, I have been sick as a dog. Don't worry, it is not swine flu, because that "epidemic" is utter bullshit. No, I have the common cold that gets worse by lack of sleep, poor diet, and drinking and smoking cigs too much. I am very healthy.

With all this time being bedridden, I caught up on a lot of video games. Some I just started, some I finally beat, and some I just picked up and played for the fun of it. Here they are.

Marvel vs Capcom 2

One of the most beloved fighters of all time has finally been released on the XBLA and PS Network. Well, it has been out for a few months now, but given all the delays it is still pretty recent. This game really does not disappoint, and it looks beautiful. The controls suck, but that is nothing my handy FightPad can't fix. People online are cheap as hell, and you will quickly learn to dread the names Cable and Iron Man. Still, it is one hell of a good play, and real fun even if I am getting my ass kicked all the time.

Super Street Fighter 2 HD Remix

Another great pick up and play title. This is the best version of Street Fighter 2 you can have, and that says a lot considering there are about a thousand different versions. You get the fun of turbo with amazing visuals and the great multiplayer that XBLA can provide (or PSN again). This game gets real frustrating for me, because I thought I was great all my life at Street Fighter 2, and I was, until I played this game. I have a lot of work to do to get my skills up in this. There are less people playing now because of MvC2, but you will still easily get a fair share of multiplayer matches in a night.

Call of Duty: World at War

It sucks that I just bought this a month ago for full price and I am already reserving Modern Warfare 2. Still, this game is great. The graphics are beautiful, the multiplayer is godly, and the level up system is probably the most addicting aspect of the game. Like Left 4 Dead, the true value is in the multiplayer, leaving really no need to ever play in single player mode. The extre map packs jack the price of the game up to about $90 bucks when all is said and done, but unless you like waiting 40 minutes for a map that you actually own, it is worth it to get the packs. Plus, Nazi Zombies kicks ass.

Aegis Wing

A fun little space shooter that you can get for free off XBLA. That's right, free. That alone makes it worth the download. The game is fun, simple, and is a nice throwback to the old days of gaming. Think of Defender, just with more powerups, and its free, which Defender is not on Arcade.

Devil May Cry 4

I am planning on doing a multipart review of the whole series pretty soon, just because it has been one of my favorite franchises since the first game came out back in 01. This game plays just as well as the others, and features two similar but different characters and play styles in Dante and Nero. The downside is you only get Dante for 7/20 missions in the game, but the story is great, voice acting is top notch, visuals are beautiful, controls are fluid, and the fun is there that comes with DMC. More on this later.

Magic the Gathering

I have always been a fan of tabletop card games, and Magic is no different. I am actually more of a Yu-Gi-Oh! fan, but this game still rocks. The game gives you 8 preset decks that you can add cards to by winning duels in campaign mode. The multiplayer online is good, the challenges are tough, and my only real complaint is that you cannot fully customize your decks, which is a big bummer. Still, this game is great for any fan of card gaming, and a bargain at 10 bucks. This game is even better for Magic fans who like playing, but don't want to spend money on boosters, like me.

Final Fantasy VI

Wow, what a topical game to be playing. I was never a fan of RPG's but I decided to give this one a shot sine it is considered to be one of the best. After about 10 hours of playtime I have to say I am really sucked into the story. The gameplay is typical RPG, which is a pain, but the adventure alone makes it worth it. I will give my full thoughts once I beat it fully.

That's it for now, expect a new "Fuck This" and "Terrible Tie-In" by the end of the month. Until next time.

Kanye West

2009-09-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

I know the news has been everywhere and I just wanted to give my two cents on it quick. Kanye West is an asshole, plain and simple. I will admit, that I like a lot of the music that he produces, but the guy himself is just so unlikeable that I can't call myself a fan. He really is an adult child, not a baby, but a spoiled child who wants his way, and when he does not get it, he cries about it or throws a tantrum.

Why is this guy so enamored with the MTV VMA's? I think I am not alone when I say that MTV has absolutely no credibility anymore when it comes to music, and might as well get rid of this award show entirely. They should have a new award show, the Television Awards, or the TVA's. That way, they can give out awards for their own terrible programming because no one else will, and stay the hell away from music.

Oops, bit of a rant, back to the topic at hand.

This marks the second year when this guy has made a stink at the VMA's. The one year, he moaned and bitched about not winning any awards. Really? This is what you have to bitch about? If you had any credibility at all you would throw away any VMA's you ever get and put your Grammy's on your fire place mantel. The Grammy's are way more credible, and just as irrelevant as anything MTV has done in the past decade. Then, he goes on stage and embarrasses Taylor Swift. I will tell you right now I could not pick out a Taylor Swift song if my life depended on it, but still, don't ruin the girl's moment.

People say he might have done it for publicity. Kanye West does not need publicity, especially this kind. He is high profile enough as it is. His talent alone enables him to be a success, not because he is famous for the sake of being famous. At this point I think Paris Hilton has more street cred now than Kanye.

It is bad when the president calls you a jackass off the record. For those who don't know, President Obama was asked recently what he thought about Kanye, and said pretty much "He is a jackass." How awesome is that, no one would have known either if the reported didn't leak it via Twitter. I guess Twitter really does have a use after all. It is still stupid.

South Park was right again. Take that Kanye.

Another loss

2009-09-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

Patrick Swayze 1952-2009

RIP

Guitar Hero 5

2009-09-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

The guitar hero games have been out for 4 years now already. Can you believe that? I remember finally being able to play on expert, when Bark at the Moon was the hardest thing since Ikaruga. Well, after 4 big titles, 5 smaller titles, and a crap load of gear, we come to Rock Band 3, I mean, Guitar Hero 5. Is this newest installment worth your $60, check this review to find out.

The first big change to the system you see right at the title screen. Just by pushing the yellow button, you can play along to the song that is playing. Not only that, but friends can join in too at any point in the song. That is already an awesome addition. This time around, you are not limited to just haveing a guitar, bass, drum, and vocals. You can have any combination of instruments that you want. No one has to be the bass player anymore if they do not want to. You can have a drummer with 3 guitar players, as my friends and I did the other day. It really increases the party aspect of it by giving everyone what they want.

All the songs in the game are unlocked from the very start. No more do you have to play through the terrible career modes just to have every song. Quickplay mode looks almost exactly like the set lists from Rock Band 1. Now you have the list of songs, then a guage for the difficulty of each instrument (like in Rock Band), and how long the song is. The game comes with a free patch too that can be downloaded to let all your GH World Tour Downloads work with 5. Not only that, but it finds the GH games you can have, and offers patches to import about half of each set list onto 5. For Smash Hits, it costs 160 GP for 21 songs, and for World Tour it costs 280GP for 35. Considering most DLC for GH is 440 GP for a pack of 3, it is a really good deal. I would have hoped for more of my favorite songs from each game in these packs, but I don't regret it. There are still some gems that come over. Hell, between my DLC and those 2 games, plus the original 85 tracks that come with 5, I am up to 183 songs on my GH5, which makes a guitar hero fan like me smile.

Multiplayer added a few more elements too. Do or Die kind of sucks, because if you miss a certain amount of notes in a section you stop playing, and that can get real boring real fast. Momentum is cool though, starting out on an easy setting then increasing difficulty on how well you are doing. Face Off and Pro Face Off return as well. The music creator is back as well, and is easier to use than it was before, but I never liked it to begin with so I will probably never touch it.

One last bonus is that there is a mail away offer to get a free copy of GH: Van Halen. I am not the biggest Van Halen fan, but getting 2 games for $60 bucks is a bargain. You have to post mark it by October 1st, or you can't get the game, and it takes 6 weeks to ship.

Overall, for any Guitar Hero fan, this is the game to have. The setlist is good, but a little too broad for my liking. That seems to be the major complaint everywhere about the game, but really, between the good songs that are already on there (and there are a lot), plus with all the content you can add, and the free game offer, it is well worth it.

Fuck This Movie: Signs

2009-09-03T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ah, the first Fuck This of the new month, and boy is it going to be a good one. This won't be the longest one of these I have ever done, but it does not need to be.

M. Night used to have a pretty good track record going for himself. He would have a great movie, followed by a turd, followed by another good one, followed by vomit, until he digressed into the masturbatory hack he is today. Actually, I take that back, he only made two good movies back to back, and the rest are garbage.

For me, Signs kind of had the same effect that War of the Worlds did on me, I was enjoying it the entire time until the unforgivable ending. Of course, after that, there was a lot that I could pick apart about the movie, but when I first watched I could still enjoy it and did...until what will be henceforth known as "the Boston incident."

This movie is along the lines of a typical science fiction thriller. Family in a remote town learns about a big alien invasion and then we see how they deal with it. The buildup was pretty good, but there was one major flaw with this film, a plot hole that cannot be ignored.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD ALIENS INVADE A PLANET THAT IS MADE OF UP 90% WATER!!!!!!!!

Why? It makes no sense. I have said it before and I will say it again, if an alien species has the incredible technology and intelligence to travel at incredible speeds through space in order to invade a planet, why would they be so stupid?

At the end of the movie, it is shown that water is the alien's weakness. Water. I could see bacteria being a weakness, since they had no prior experience with the kind of viruses and bacteria that could originate on earth (though they were buried for millions of...nevermind). Water is just stupid. If these aliens are invaders, then it is fair to say that they have probably encountered other planets before and have had the slightest chance of encountering H20 before. Hell, on Earth, we humans know what on our planet is good for us and what could kill us. It is fair to assume that they MIGHT have water on their home planet, and know not to go near it. WHY GO TO EARTH? WHY GO TO A PLANET YOU CAN ONLY USE A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF?

The Earth's atmosphere is made up of water, don't you think they would have gotten to that point and went "Uhhh, this isn't going to work, lets try another galaxy."? It amazes me how many people like this movie. It has a 74% rating on rotten tomatoes, 7 years after it's release. You think after that time more people would realize how stupid this movie really is.

I guess the moral of the story is, when the planets greatest armies fail, break out the balloons.

Fuck this movie. Fuck Signs.

Awesome Hardware: Street Fighter 4 FightPad by Mad Catz

2009-09-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Ooooh Mad Catz, it has been a while.

I have a bit of a beef with Mad Catz. In the past, I have bought their products. In fact, I have gone through a good number of their products. I probably went through about 3 genesis controllers (which did not hold up to my childhood rage), an N64 rumblepack/memory card hybrid (in which the rumble broke on its own), a ps2 controller (broke on its own), and a gamecube controller (which broke on its own). Suffice to say, it has been a rocky relationship.

This brings me to the topic of today's article, the FightPad made for Street Fighter 4.

First and foremost, this controller is a must have for any fan of fighting games. For those of you who own a 360 and love fighting games, this is a must have product. I never really went to arcades a lot as a kid, so the whole concept of using joysticks never latched onto me. I was brought up on genesis. I loved my six button controller, and I loved playing it with my 2 Street fighters, 3 Mortal Kombats, Samurai Showdown, Eternal Champions, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, and 4 wrestling games. It just felt right. Having all my commands at the mercy of my right thumb was easy, convenient, and made all the better by Sega's legendary d-pad which, in my opinion, is far and away better than Nintendo's ever was.

This also brings me to my biggest gripe with the xbox360 controller, the god awful d-pad. It is sloppy, unresponsive, and is really the only black eye for that controller. The FightPad changes that. Right away, I have to say that this game really is made just for fighting games and XBL Arcade. The controller looks a lot like a Sega Saturn controller, 6 face buttons, 2 triggers, and quite possibly the best D-pad on the market. The only reason I was not crazy about street fighter 4 was that I could not pull off the moves. This changes that completely.

Also, for some of the Arcade games that need a stick, there is a switch on the back that can designate the dpad as either the left or right analog stick. That can come in handy. For example, for the Magic the Gathering game on Arcade, the d-pad is more of an unnecessary hassle anyway, so allowing you to use the pad as the stick is a welcome addition. Also, for the hours I spend playing that, not worrying about batteries is always welcome.

Also, the controller is very lightweight and skinny. If fits perfectly in the hand, if not being just a little bulky. For my hands, it works wonders. Also, I am finally holding my own in Marvel Vs Capcom 2 because not only is the d-pad amazing, but you can set up the buttons any way you want. This means that bringing in partners and executing the super combos is easier than ever. The face buttons are larger than they are on the standard xbox controller, and closer together. At first, I was worried about hitting the wrong buttons all the time because of how close they are, but the size of the buttons and the spacing really give you a good sense of where everything is.

The only problem that some have is that for 40 dollars, it is a wired controller. I don't have a problem with this because I play the hell out of Street Fighter 2 HD and MVC2, and I plan on buying BlazBlue and SF4 shortly (i only rented SF4 beforehand). Also, being a Mad Catz, time will tell for how long this actually works, and if it does not suffer from the normal breakage that Mad Catz is known for. Still, Capcom partnered directly with Catz to make this, so hopefully some more quality was thrown into it.

Minor gripes aside, I say this is a must have for any fighting game fan with a 360. It is a limited edition run, so get one while you can, I am glad I did.

Awesome Hardware: Xbox 360 Wireless Network Adapter

2009-09-02T03:52:00.000-07:00

Yet another new section to the site, Awesome/Awful Hardware. Here I will be reviewing all the myriad of peripherals that I have owned over the years and letting you know which are worth the money, and which left a bad taste in my mouth that a decade of Scope cannot wash out.

Recently, I picked up the wireless network adapter for my 360 and decided to share a few quick thoughts.

At my parent's house, there is no high speed internet. They are still living in the 56k age and it really tends to be a pain in the ass. Luckily, in Philadelphia the only decent thing a corrupt former mayor did for us was to try to make the entire city wireless internet compatible. That's right, all throughout the city, we have wireless internet routers that sends out free internet. Also, thanks to John Street's legacy, crime is at an all time high and the city government is in mounds of debt, but I digress.

The first thing I want to say is that this baby is amazing. In the basement, people with Verizon (basically the best phone to have around here) do not get a signal. It is made of dense bricks of concrete that is none to friendly to certain wavelengths. Combine this with the fact that WirelessPhiladelphia is a junk system and it is a wonder I can get on Xbox Live at all. I moved the box to another spot in the house, and was picking up signals from blocks away. This adapter is really that strong.

The $100 price tag might be a lot for some people to handle, especially people who keep their entertainment centers close to their routers. If you can easily plug into the wall, then by no means should you buy this. If the best tv in the house is 3 floors up from your router, or your don't have many internet options but still want to go online, then it is a $100 well spent.

Marvel & Disney

2009-09-02T03:35:00.001-07:00

Well, for any of you who hate the Disney corporation, just know that all your Marvel comics, games, movies, toys, etc. are now owned by Disney. The news came earlier in the week about the buyout.

My thoughts, I just hope they don't interfere with the way Marvel does things. I am more of a DC guy, but I still love a lot of what Marvel does. If Disney has its way, one of the big casualties of this will be the character of the Punisher. He has been a fan favorite for years now, whether or not the writers know what they are doing with him is a different story (cough CIVIL WAR cough). He is the ultimate bad-ass character and I do not see a company that caters to children letting him slide.

I also guess that really means there won't be another Punisher movie. I mean, Warzone was a bomb but it was still a really entertaining movie. If Disney has its way all the Marvel comics movies could get a big overhaul. That Avengers movie that they are building up to could turn into a real let down real fast.

Disney is not a dumb company though, and I am remaining confident that they will let the creative side of Marvel do its thing. Marvel is still a huge money making business, and to tamper with it would be insane. It is the biggest company in comics, why would Disney ever try to screw with that kind of revenue? Here's hoping they don't.

Some new reviews will be coming soon, I needed a little break after posting about 11 lengthy blogs in August. Until next time.

Terrible Tie-In: Batman Forever

2009-08-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

Batman is one of those franchises that has seen its fair share of video games over the years. I could conduct a TTI or Fuck This alone of the majority of Batman video games. Even though most of these games are pretty crappy, there are bright spots. Batman on the NES is considered a classic, Adventures of Batman & Robin is one of the best games on both the SNES and Genesis (while being completely different from each other at the same time), and Batman: Vengeance is probably the best of the last-gen Batman titles.

Since Batman: Arkham Asylum is coming out soon, I thought I would dedicated this TTI to one of the dark knight's most grievous offenses, Batman Forever.

The only saving grace for this game was that I bought it for 2 dollars at a garage sale. I still feel ripped off.

So once you start the game, you notice a few things real fast. For one, it is in that same realistic sprite animation style that Mortal Kombat was known for. Also, the controls are just as bad. You basically fight wave after wave of impossible to kill enemies, bad boss fights, and terrible platforming.

There is no upside to this game, it is just a waste of time and money the whole way through. It is still not as bad as Batman & Robin though.

2/10

Fuck This Movie: Independence Day

2009-08-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

This movie is just dumb.

It is dumb on every level. When it came out, I was only 10 years old, and I loved it. At the time, it was the perfect summer blockbuster. It had amazing effects (for the time), great action scenes, cheesy predictable heroes, over the top acting, it was a perfect money making machine. There were video games made (terrible games), a whole line of toys, and it was marketed perefctly. Even today, people sing its praises, and I do not know why. Maybe I am getting cynical in my old age, but this movie has ass written all over it.

Instead of going through this movie bit by bit, I am just going to go into the unforgivably stupid moments of this movie. Moments that when they happen, I scream at the tv "Oh COME ON!!!"

Moment 1 - Will Smith Batmans the Alien

Oh god, this is the first one I go to but it has to be one of the worst. How? How can anyone buy this? For those who don't know, after Will successfully outflies one of the alien attack fighters, it crash lands in the middle of a desert. Upon going up to the ship, the latch opens and out comes Mr. Alien. Now, this guy is covered in a hard protective outer shell, that is explained later in the movie to serve as armor. It is made to protect them form the harsh foreign environments they might encounter. If this armor is so good, how the hell can one punch, from a human, have enough force to go through the shell and knock out the alien. One punch. When Batman did it to Guy Gardner, you can believe it. Not here. Will Smith is the definition of cool, but this just hurts to watch.

Moment 2 - The tunnel scene

This is the part where Vivica A Fox (ghetto booty) is in the tunnel, outruns the wave of fiery death, and makes it into the closest room she can, just barely escaping. This part has so many dumb parts it hurts. For one, if you have the time to see the fire coming, it is already too late. You are done. There is no outrunning that. So she goes to the door in the side of the tunnel and breaks it down. WRONG. These things are made to keep people out. These are steel reinforced doors with tons of different locking mechanisms to make sure people do not go in and out as they please. After this, at least 30 seconds has gone by, and she notices the dog is still in at the car. So, she calls the dog over, and good ol rover hops from car top to car top, as the fire is blowing away cars right next to it, and jumps into the room as the firey death graces by. For one, THE DOOR DOESN'T CLOSE. They just sit in the corner of the room as the fire passes by. NO. The fire would obviously just go right into the room anyway and burn them all alive. And even if they did close the door, if one woman could bust into it, don't you think the shock wave of a massive fireball that is throwing fire trucks like paper airplanes couldn't break through? The door would probably squish Vivica & son, then burn them alive. Just so stupid.

Moment 3: The president's airplane outracing the fireball

Planes are fast, don't get me wrong. Are they that fast? NO. Especially during takeoff they are not nearly fast enough. After the aliens nuke the white house, the chopper they are in is apparently faster than the speed of sound, because it makes it to the plane with enough time for everyone to go into Air Force One, lift off, and still outrace the fire ball of doom. Also, if the plane is already being nearly engulfed by the flames, hasn't it already been established that the shock wave alone could rip the plane apart, knock out all of its controls, and basically fuck everyone's day? Then again, movie would be done at that point. Stupid.

Moment 4: Area 51

I am sorry, but there is no way that the President of the United States does not know about this facility. It is like the stupid "Sector 7" or whatever it was from Transformers. If there is any branch at all of the government, the president knows about bit. It is his job to know. Every decision that gets put through in Washington goes through him at some point, so there is no way it would be such a shock. Classic action movie cop-out right there.

Moment 5: Jeff Goldblum being the one smart scientist

So let me get this straight. The scientists who work for the government and for NASA, some of the smartest people in world, and even scientists in other countries, could not figure out what the aliens were planning? Really? Just him? I loved it when he was in his dad's car and used his little gizmo to tap into phone lines. I guess an antenna with 2 mini satellite dishes counts as high tech hacker equipment. Every scene Jeff touches makes my skin crawl.

Moment 6: The virus

Of course super scientist Jeff wasn't done there though. He made the computer program that could be uploaded wirelessly into the alien mainframe. He automatically knew their coding language, knew how to break into it, and knew how to tap into their system like it was nothing. Lucky for him the aliens had the same programming as his Powerbook Pro.

Moment 7: The alien fighter in Area 51

So you mean to tell me that in 50 years this super advanced alien race never once changed their fighters? Like there was no tracking number on it stored in the system somehow? Why did they not ever upgrade their systems? I am sure at some point one nerdy alien went "You know Bill, these shielded warplanes are good, but don't you think they could be better?" Also, if these are all coming from bigger transport ships, does that not mean that it needed a bigger one in the galaxy beforehand to get there in the first place? Were the aliens just waiting 50 years for the time to strike, and not when the cream of the crop of the Air Force were F-86 Sabre's? These aliens are pretty stupid.

Moment 8: Morse code not being detected by the aliens

So the humans with their vastly inferior technology could figure out the alien codes...but not the other way around? Really? Wow. Something simpler than binary threw the aliens for a loop.

I could go on more, but I think I have made my point. Not only are these parts stupid, but there are other things keeping this movie down. The effects do not carry over well at all. They just look cheap and cheesy. Star Wars in 1977 still looks a hell of a lot better and more believable than this. Also, a lot of the supporting actors are just terrible. The worst is Randy Quaid's oldest son. So you mean to tell me that the son manages to get into the military control room, and learns that his dad is going to sacrifice himself, and all he can say is "Dad? What are you doing?" in the most monotone, emotionless way possible. Pearl Harbor was stupid but at least the actors put some emotion into the emotional times. This movie is just terrible on the whole, and Roland Emmerich needs to be put out to pasture. This was a masterpiece though compared to his later shitfests.

Fuck this movie. Fuck Independence Day.

District 9

2009-08-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

Best movie of '09 by far, sorry Hangover.

This movie really does have everything. It has good character development, good direction, and really looks beautiful for a movie that only cost 30 million to make. While this movie is great, it does have its flaws.

The Pro's
-Good pacing
-Incredible action scenes
-Decent enough acting
-Perfect length (hour and a half)
-Fresh idea
-Great effects

The Con's
-Subtle symbolism is not so subtle
-Predictable ending

While I don't want to give away any spoilers, I have to say I was let down with the ending of the movie. Up until then, it was probably the best hour and twenty minutes of film I have seen in a long time. It kept my interest, I had no idea what was going to come next, and it blew me away at every turn. Even the beginning of the movie kept my interest, and normally the beginnings of movies are always boring (gotta set up the plot somehow). The ending I could see coming from a mile away though, and I think that is the only reason I am disappointed with it. I wanted something that I was not going to expect, and unfortunately did not get it. Before you ask, I am talking about the last major action scene. While the action itself was great, the interaction of the characters has been done a thousand times, and I wanted a more.

Also, the symbolism is not that subtle. Hmmm, a race in South Africa being segregated and hated, then evicted against their will into what are basically government issue reservations. People who never studied African history won't get it though, but most people who grew up in the 80's do. I was not brought up in the 80's, but I am also a vat of random information, so this did not slip by.

One thing I need to give this movie real credit for is the special effects. I know that in my earlier rant on CGI, I said how I hated it being in ever movie. The fact of the matter is is that this movie would not have been able to be made without it. For only having a 30 million dollar budget, it looks above and beyond better than Michael Bay's Transformers movies, Terminator Salvation, or any of the newer Star Wars movies. The aliens really look good, and believeable. The fighting, effects, and explosions all look really good too.

None of the actors are big name stars, but they all did a pretty good job. It won't be the best acting you ever see, but it certainly did not take away from the movie.

Overall I have to say this is the most entertaining movie I have seen in a long time. It is good on every level, and if the ending doesn't bug you the way it did me, then you will like it all the more.

9/10

Fuck This Movie: War of the Worlds

2009-08-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

God dammit do I hate this movie.

This movie enrages me to the very core of my being.

It's stupid, pretentious, preachy, and just unbearable. The situations are so circumstantial it makes my head spin. There is no continuity to be found. Not one character in the entire movie is likable. Why do people like this movie? WHY?

Lets go over some of the main problems with this movie.

For one, all of the characters are annoying. Tom Cruise I can stand the most. Though he does show great parenting skills by letting his son Robbie run after the aliens after the great argument of "Just let me go." The character of Robbie is your typical angsty teenager who thinks he knows everything about the world (strike 1). He is also a Red Sox fan (strikes 2 and 3). I cannot stand Dakota Fanning in any movie she is in. What sick fuck decided she needed to be raped in a movie is beyond me. She plays the typical kind of brainiac that Jake Gyllenhaal does in every movie but Bubble Boy, which is his only good one.

Mental note: do a "fuck this" of The Day After Tomorrow.

Tim Robbins plays a guy who shelters Tommy & the Pussybrats from the aliens for a while. He plays a guy who is basically nuts, and talks about starting the resistance. He also goes into a long winded diatribe about how they planned it and that they are superior. He also says that it's an invasion, and "history shows invasions fail." Wow movie, real subtle political message there. There was a dark period in the mid 2000's where you couldn't go to any form of media without being preached to about the War in Iraq. We all know it was a bad idea, but I don't need to be preached at, once again, by Tim Robbins. Fuck Tim Robbins. He's a good actor but when it comes to political opinions I'll make my own thank you very much.

Mental note: do a "fuck this" of Fahrenheit 9-11.

Another big problem is the continuity. Mainly, wasn't every electrical device supposed to be knocked out? How is a barge running? How are people taking videos on their cameras? How the fuck do tanks and jet planes work?

The absolute nail in the coffin is the ending. What a pile of ass garbage that is. For one, Robbie lives after running into a wall of fire made by the aliens. How the fuck did he live? Why did he live? Did we need that much of a happy ending? Does real life not exist? I guess not when Boston is involved because that city got out of it spotless. Why in the hell does New Jersey get torched and Boston get away scott free? Did the aliens look around Jersey and go, "Yeah, this is where it's at. Can't let this one go unchecked." Then again, given cities like Camden and Newark, I'd get the death rays out too. Spielberg must be a member of the Red Sox Nation, because there is no reason for such a major city to get away like this. I'm from Philly, and that city gets fucked in every form of media (ESPN hates us).

The aliens get taken down due the ex machina of our germs being deadly to them. H.G. Wells is brilliant, considering this IS A LOGICAL FUCKING REASON.

Mental note: a "fuck this" on Independence Day.

Ol Stevie has been churning out some butt butter these last few years. None of them are nearly as bad as this (well, Indiana Jones 4 is just as bad). I would do a "fuck this" of that movie, but mercifully no one likes that movie.

Which brings me to another point. Why do people love this movie? Why? I don't get it? It had me enjoying it too even with its flaws until the ending. When I saw that brat walk into the doorway my jaw dropped. It was the single dumbest thing they could have done that I did not see coming. There is no reason for that fucker to live. He was not even a likable character, why keep him? Spielberg has really lost his edge. This movie is the best example of a "disaster movie" because it's a complete and utter train wreck.

Fuck this movie. Fuck War of the Worlds.

Help Team Four Star

2009-08-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

Recently, the team four star channel on YouTUBE was suspended because of a complaint from TOEI animation, the Japanese company that produces and distributes Dragonball Z. If Toei had actually watched any of the episodes, they would know that it is just a loving parody, and serves as a form of free advertising. Funimation (the company that distributes and dubbs it in America) brought up a complaint before, but it was resolved because they realized what the series was.

For anyone who doesn't know, an abridged series is were a talented person will take an anime, cut it down, rewrite parts, make fun of the stupider points of the show, all while being a loving tribute that is by fans for fans. I know that watching DBZ Abridged got me back into DBZ, and I went out and bought the movies and seasons. The show is now featured on THATGUYWITHTHEGLASSES.COM and can also be found on fan pages on youtube. You can check at least half the series out here.

http://www.thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/new-guys/tfstar/dbzab

Toei has a feedback page, where you can go and voice your concerns and opinions. I beg everyone who reads this to respectfully ask for the lifting of the ban. You can access that page here.

https://reg18.smp.ne.jp/regist/is?SMPFORM=mjs-lckis-f6607fcc7dc48fbc46a54a5a5b4831f0

Until next time.

Fuck This Show: Family Guy

2009-08-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

Seth McFarlane is a hack.

I thought this guy had talent, I thought this guy brought something fresh to the medium, and he did. For 2 years that is.

I hate Seth. I hate anything associated with Seth. The only thing has done remotely funny in the past 6 years was Robot Chicken.

I hate American Dad, I am going to hate The Cleveland Show, and I really hate family guy.

When Family Guy started, it was actually a really good show. I still enjoy the first three seasons. They were well written, the plots fleshed out properly, AND THE FUCKING JOKES PERTAINED TO THE FUCKING EPISODE!!!!

I know that the older seasons had random jokes thrown in, but they were few and far between and worked. They were not the entire show. Have you seen the show lately? It is basically unwatchable.

I know a lot of people who still priase the show. "No man, you just take your comedy too seriously. I love the random stuff, it makes me laugh every time. ROFL LMAO LOLZORZ"

All I have to say is that I find The Whitest Kids You Know to be one of the funniest shows on TV, so don't talk to me about wanting serious comedy. I want comedy that is funny. I do not constantly want random references to people no one cares about or to TV shows from the 80's or whatever shit they spew next. There is no differences in the episodes anymore either, they all go like this.

Peter does something stupid

random joke

Lois yells at him

random joke

Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire, and Joe sit in the Clam and talk about a solution

This reminds me of the time...(ugh)

split second of story

another pointless joke

Cop out resolution to problem in first place

Stewie says something gay

random joke, show ends

THIS SHOW IS AN EMMY WINNER FOLKS!!

Why doesn't Seth Green write for this show? He is by far the funniest person on there. Not the character of Chris, he is poorly written and barely does anything anymore, even less than Meg, but Seth Green knows comedy. Watch Robot Chicken or any movie he is in. Sure, a lot of the movies he is in are turds, but they are a hell of a lot better than Family Guy. She's All That is Citizen Kane compared to Family Guy.

The star wars Blue Harvest pissed me off too. It was an hour of boredom. There was not one thing funny besides the "Don't get penisey" line. That was actually clever. THAT WAS THE ONLY THING CLEVER THEY HAVE DONE SINCE COMING BACK. I thought the Stewie movie was pretty good, still being a FG fanboy at the time, but then they had to shit on that parade by making it a 4 parter to end one of their seasons because they lack the writing talent to do the job themselves.

I think the biggest thing that pisses me off is how far from grace the show fell in such a short amount of time. Sure, The Simpsons sucks now, but the writing is actually getting a little better, and they are giving the characters back the traits that made them funny in the first place. It will never be what it was, but it is still a lot more watchable than this. South Park was unwatchable in season 12, but it bounced back in season 13 because Matt Stone and Trey Parker know how to structure a joke. Family guy had 2 and a half seasons (since the first was only 12 episodes) of gold and then another crapload of awful. Maybe if Seth kept to writing for one show he would not get confused and make two insipid ones.

American Dad is another shit storm. I won't even give that show an ounce of my time to review. It's stupid, and not funny. HAHAHA REPUBLICANS ARE STUPID HAHAHA GOVERNMENT HAHAHA BUSH. Look, I will bust on Bush before anyone, but I have a right to because I voted for the guy. I also voted for Obama. The moral of that story is I should not vote.

To anyone wondering where the comic review is, that is coming probably next week. I just got done watching a newer episode of Family Guy and needed to expel some inner rage.

Fuck this show. Fuck Family Guy.

Terrible Tie-In: Best of the Best - Championship Karate

2009-08-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

Welcome to yet another new segment to N:TAS, the terrible tie-in. For as long as there have been video games, there have been tie-ins to movies. For the most part, all of these games have been utter failures, mainly trying to cash in on their respective franchises without giving the gamer 1 penny's worth of satisfaction. Hell, ET is still topping lists of "worst video game" ever, and was one of the big causes for the video game crash of 1983.

In this new segment, I am going for some of the lesser known tie-in's, ones that make your head spin, and even the ones that might have a good counterpart on another system.

For this one, I had to review perhaps the worst video game I have ever played...even worse than ET the Atari 2600.

For those who don't know, the "Best of the Best" franchise is based on American fighters who compete in a Korean taekwondo tournament. The series spans 4 movies between 1989 and 1998. The big problem is is that almost noone knows about these movies. I only knew because my roommate is a huge fan of terrible movies, and he enlightened me. Hell, in the third one one of the fighters takes on a town run by Neo-Nazi's. The movies were not that popular, which begs the question "Why would anyone make a game out of this?"

That brings me to Best of the Best: Championship Karate, released for the Super Nintendo in 1992. The first thing to hit me is that it is called "Championship Karate", when it isn't karate at all. That's a good sign.

After the lackluster opening screen (which also lacks music), you are taken to the main menu, where you can customize your fighter's look...well...his head...to one of 5 presets that all look like racial stereotypes. About 7 seconds into being on the screen, the music kicks in, which sounds like it came from a cheap casio keyboard.

You can preview what a fight would look like, and it actually looks like it would be pretty fun. That is where the upsides end, because once you hit "match", the horror begins. First off, the sprites for the characters only take up a small portion of the screen. Most of the pixels were spend on the background and foreground. The ref has more character in his face than any of the fighters do. Also, once the fights start, there is no music, just the roar of the crowd. There are four spotlights each in the top left and right corners of the screen, which indicate your health.

The fighting is the thing that should be good, but just isnt. The classic tell tale sign of bad development is lag. This game has a weird delay in the time you hit a button to the time something actually happens, it is almost a second. Also, the hit detection is terrible, absolutely awful. You can be right on a guy, and nothing will register. You can actually throw punches through the opposing player. There is no dodge button, so that is no excuse, just poor design. In any fighting game, you need the controls and hit detection to be good, or else it is just a total failure. This game goes beyond fail.

I don't know how many fighters you have to face because, try as I might, I never got past the first one. This game is impossible to beat, because the controls are so bad. I could try really, REALLY, hard to make progress, but that would bring no satisfaction at all. It is just a waste of time.

I can only imagine the look on a poor child's face when they open this game and pop it in, realizing right away that their 60 dollar investment went right down the crap basket. Luckily, I doubt many copies of this were ever sold. God I hope not.

Lets beak this rating down to the core needs for any game.

Graphics - 3/10

The game looks alright, but the terrible character sprites and underwhelming surrounding graphs don't even tough the capabilities of the SNES. Hell, the NES would have no problem running this.

Controls - 0/10

Terrible hit detection, terrible delay, terrible design, just terrible overall

Story - 0/10

What story?

Sound - 1/10

Well, you can hear the crowd, get a couple of grunts in, and the sound when you get his is nothing I have ever heard before. Oh yeah, and the classic Cassio coundtrack.

Replay Value - 0/10

Why would you ever replay it when you would not want to play it the first time?

Overall - 0/10

This is by far one of the worst video games I have ever played, only fitting it goes with such a craptastic franchise.

Stay tuned, a new "Fuck This..." will be coming later in the week. This time I tackle one of the biggest comic crossover events of the past 5 years and rip it a new shit pipe.

Fuck This Movie: No Country For Old Men

2009-08-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

I hate this movie.

Hate hate hate hate hate this movie.

Hate it.

Hate every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it.

Hate the sensibility that thought anyone would like it.

Hate the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

(props to anyone who gets the reference)

I really hate the fact so many people like it.

As you can tell, the newest segment to N:TAS is the "Fuck This" segment. I know I said that I would be ripping on overhyped movies, but I'm going to throw in some comics and video games into the mix as well. I have a lot of anger to spread around.

Onto the review...

This movie insults me. As I have said before, when I go watch a movie, I want to be entertained, and I want to feel that the time I invested was worth it. I want a payoff. I don't want this. If I could sum up this movie, it would go like this.

Tommy Lee Jones talks

Javier Bardem kills a guy

Josh Brolin steals money from a drug deal (extensive talking)

Bardem chases Brolin for a while, nothing really happens (more talking)

They get in a gunfight (finally, something)

Brolin crosses the border, gets medical attention (which is always a great idea...)

Woody Harrelson is in it for some reason (cue more talking)

Bardem kills Woody, tells Brolin he is going to kill his wife unless he gets the money, Brolin shows why is the good guy by telling him no (in between lots more talking)

Brolin dies in a gunfight...which we don't get to see, we learn about...after...through more talking (have to be fucking kidding me)

Tommy Lee Jones investigates, Bardem hides, nothing happens, then Jones talks with his uncle, gets called a selfish prick because Texas is always violent and shitty (this goes on way too long...more talking)

Bardem tracks down Brolin's wife, they talk for a while, nothing fucking happens (AGAIN), then he gets hit by a car randomly

Tommy Lee Jones retires and talks about dreams (for 10 full minutes)

Movie ends

WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW DID THIS WIN BEST PICTURE?! IN WHAT WAY WAS THIS MORE ENTERTAINING THAN JUNO OR ATONEMENT?!

I know why this movie won, it is a film critic's wet dream. It has a 94% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Ninety-Four fucking percent. Roger Ebert said "a masterful evocation of time, place, character, moral choices, immoral certainties, human nature and fate." Walter Chaw of Film Freak Central said "...the Coens have distilled the essence of McCarthy's gash-deep nostalgia for the illusory, ephemeral past... and packaged it in the very best moments of their own well of extraordinary visions."

Blah blah blah bullshit. I love the way critics use big words to make themselves sound intelligent. Inside the mind of every film critic this sentence must be said over and over, "If I use big words, people will think this movie is intelligent, and then they will think I am intelligent for using big words to tell them how intelligent this intelligent movie is." Fuck film critics too.

Back to the subject at hand...

This movie would have given me these feelings if there was a single second of it that wasn't boring. I know it is supposed to be a movie where there is a lot of suspense and build up, but that is all it is, build up. There is not one second of this movie where we are treated to a payoff of any kind. The gunfight in the middle was alright, but I have seen more exciting gunfights in high school plays. This movie is supposed to be a deep introspective critique on the human condition, and the dark sides in all of us when it comes to choice. It does a good job of doing that, but here is the thing...WHO THE FUCK GOES TO A MOVIE FOR THAT!!!!

I am sorry, but I don't want this bullshit. If I wanted to learn about the human condition, I would go back to college and be a psychology major. I respect the hell out of the Coen brothers, but this movie is so full of pretentious bullshit it makes my cock bleed.

At least Stephen Hunter, who has won a PULITZER PRIZE btw, has the right mindset. He said that he "just [didn't] like it very much" and "Nobody goes to the movies for the irony. They go for the satisfaction."

THANK YOU!

Another big problem I had with this movie is that there is not one single likable character in the whole 2 hours of boredom.

Brolin's character is a selfish prick, whose pride not only puts his own life in danger, but his loved ones as well. If Bardem is able to track him down all over Texas and Mexico, even without the transmitter, what makes him think he can hide his wife from him? He heard the stories, if Bardem wants you dead, you will be dead. How can you root for this guy when he doesn't do one respectable thing in the entire movie? He also dies off screen. HE IS THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE AND HE DIES OFFSCREEN!!!!!! That just makes me hate him more. How much of a bitch can you be of a main character if you don't even get the common courtesy of being killed on screen. What a bitch.

Bardem was the only person in this entire movie I liked. He was cold, calculating, brutal, and intense. There was no compromise with this guy. He was basically the Terminator, only Spanish, and that is always cool. You also have to respect an actor who can go from this guy to the mega pimp he was in Vicky Christina Barcelona. Props.

Woody Harrelson's character is not in the movie long. He is basically there to say he will save Brolin if he gets the money. He gets killed by Bardem, making him basically useless. He also begs for his life before getting capped, so he dies like a bitch.

Tommy Lee Jones' character is another one who brings my piss to a boil. All he does is talk. All he does is bitch about his life. All he does is bitch about how overwhelmed he feels all the time. He talks in the beginning, talks to his uncle, talks to his wife, talks, talks, talks, talks, TALKS!!! At no point in this movie is he useful, he just bitches about this and that and is supposed to be the moral conscience of this movie. He does this by talking with a cracking voice that is always on the cusp of crying. What a bitch.

Brolin's wife is supposed to be the other moral conscience, talking about choice and what not. You don't know what happens to her, but I hope she died. She gave almost the same speech Woody did before dieing like a bitch. Also, god forbid the Coen Brothers have a movie where they don't talk about choice, or try to analyze the human condition. I know they did it in Fargo too, but they did it well, and a lot more subtlety. They don't cram it down out throats. God dammit I hate this movie.

Except for Bardem, this movie is a crap shoot the whole way. It is long, boring, and pretentious. It basically insults the audience, telling them what they are supposed to enjoy. I think that is why so many people liked it, because if they said they didn't they would be looked at as either low class, unintelligent, or that they don't have true taste in movies.

Fuck this movie. Fuck No Country for Old Men.

Top 5 Favorite Movies

2009-08-04T00:56:00.000-07:00

Before I start to tear some movies a new asshole, I think it is only fair to show where I am coming from in my reviews. I am no film snob. I do not care about how deep a movie can be, or the hidden images, or the brilliance in how it was filmed, etc. When I watch a movie, all I want to be is entertained. I want the feeling that I did not just waste the hour and a half (minimum) of my life. I want that feeling that it was worth watching, and I want a good payoff at the end. Keeping that in mind, lets look at my first top 5 in a while, my top 5 favorite movies.

Number 5 - Godfather 2

This may seem like a cop out, but really, this movie is too good to not be on this list. This might be one of the few times I sat through 3 hours of a movie and was captivated the entire time. The acting is superb, the story is amazing, and the cast is out of this world. I do not need to talk about why this movie is great, every other movie reviewer in the world has been doing it for 30 years. If you are wondering why this is only number 5, it mainly has to do with the length of the movie. I can't sit through 3+ hours of movie all the time, and when you know what is going to happen next, it can get a little strenuous.

Number 4 - Team America, World Police

I can see the flaming now (if anyone visited the site that is). Movie snobs are gonna have a field day with me, but really, watch this and tell me it is not entertaining. I don't look for a life changing experience from a movie, I want something I can enjoy. I saw this movie at a sneak preview weekend and it was one of the best movie going experiences I ever had. The movie is funny from beginning to end, with completely over the top acting, violence, dialogue, and caricatures at the same time. It is a bashing on the biggest thing wrong with Hollywood, it takes itself too seriously. This movie is short, sweet, and I can watch it again and again without once diverting my attention.

Number 3 - The Departed

It really hurt me to put this at number 3, but it had to go there. This movie really is a masterpiece. It has an all star cast, a great story (credit the Japs on this one), great direction, great pacing, great everything. It mixes in some heavy drama and violence with some great comedy and really heartfelt moments. You see the inner pain that every character goes through, and the twists and turns that happen left my mouth gaping. Probably my favorite moment in any movie is when the elevator door opens, and Leo gets popped in the head, just as you thought he would finally win and get the credit and revenge he deserves.

Number 2 - Falling Down

It surprises me how many people do not know about this movie. Michael Douglass and Robert Duvall give quite possibly some of the best performances I have ever seen. It is another movie where the lives of the two characters are revolving around each other, though they only share screen time for 7 minutes tops. The characters are well developed, the suspense is great, and just everything about this movie is entertaining. Sure, it won't win an Oscar, but I will watch this any day over the borefests that are Chicago or No Country for Old Men (can't wait for that review).

Number 1 - Star Wars

Original trilogy of course. When it comes to Star Wars either you get it or you don't. If you get it, it inspires you, it raised you, it to this day gives you chills whenever you hear that opening.

When it comes down to it, opinions like these are all subjective. The only reason it is not subjective is because I am always right.

GREGandLOU

2009-08-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

Greg and Lou are two of the funniest people on the internet. Don't know why they are? Check out their youtube site.

http://www.youtube.com/user/GREGandLOU

If you watch each video, you will be crying for hours, and that is a N:TAS guarantee (copyright pending). The star skits have to be Die Hard, Christmas, and MILF Solicitors.

No Country For Old Men review coming this week!!!!

Quick Update and Video Game List

2009-08-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

So, in keeping with my personal vow to update the site more often, I decided I would start up a N:TAS exclusive. I am going to look at some of the most revered movies of the past few years, and tell you exactly why they suck. I am not going to bash a good movie mind you, just movies that are so overhyped it sickens me to my gullet. These movies can range from Oscar Winners to cult classics, no genre is safe.

The post will start next week, the first victim being in my opinion the most heinous: No Country for Old Men

Stay Tuned...

Also, the newly dubbed "Jambers and Bri-man Show" will premiere in the coming weeks. Being a two person job means that scheduling can be a pain in the ass. I got the feeling once the first episode is up and running we will be on our way.

Until then, a special treat for you out there. For anyone who will question my stance as a gamer and a nerd, take a gander at a lifetime of video game playing/collecting. Every game listed here is in my posession in working order, and it will stay that way.

Computer Games (17)

3D Ultra Pinball Thrillride
Age of Empires 2
Aliens vs. Predator: Gold Edition
Arthur’s Teacher Trouble
Diablo 2
Doom 2
Fallout
Giants: Citizen Kabuto
Incoming
Jinni Zeala Pinball
Mac Action Sack
Quake 2
SimTower
Starcraft
Starcraft: Brood War
Star Wars Galactic Battlegrounds
Unreal Tournament: Game of the Year Edition

Nintendo 64 (26)

Extreme G 2
ECW Hardcore Revolution
Fighting Force 64
Goldeneye 007
Jet Force Gemini
The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Mario Kart 64
Nascar ‘99
NFL Quaterback Club 2000
NHL Breakaway ‘98
Ready 2 Rumble Boxing
Ready 2 Rumble Boxing 2
Perfect Dark
Rush 2: Extreme Racing USA
Rush 2049
South Park
Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
Starfox 64
Super Mario 64
Super Smash Bros.
Vigilante 8
WWF Attitude
WWF No Mercy
WWF War Zone

Nintendo Gameboy / GBA (8)

Dragonball Z: Legagy of Goku 2
Mario Kart: Super Circuit
Metroid
Pokemon FireRed
Pokemon Red
Super Mario Advance
Yu-Gi-Oh!: Destiny Board Traveler
Yu-Gi-Oh!: World Championship 2005

Nintendo Gamecube (3)

Eternal Darkness
Mario Kart: Double Dash
Star Wars Rogue Squadron 3: Rebel Strike

Nintendo Wii (3)

Resident Evil 4
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Wii Play

Sega Genesis (59)

The Adventures of Batman & Robin
Aladdin
Altered Beasts
Arcade Classics
Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf
Batman Forever
Battletoads / Double Dragon
Beavis & Butthead
Bubsy
Caesars Palace
Decap Attack
Ecco the Dolphin
Evander “Real Deal” Holyfield Boxing
General Chaos
Jeopardy!
John Madden Football ‘93
LHX Attack Chopper
Mario Andretti Racing
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Mortal Kombat
Mortal Kombat 2
Mortal Kombat 3
NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
NHL ‘94
PGA Tour Golf
Predator 2
Prime Time NFL starring Deion Sanders
Quackshot starring Donald Duck
Revolution X
Road Rash
Road Rash 2
Rocket Knight Adventures
Samurai Showdown
Sonic the Hedgehog
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sonic the Hedgehog 3
Sonic Spinball
Spiderman
Spiderman / X-Men: Arcade’s Revenge
Street Fighter 2: Championship Edition
Streets of Rage
Streets of Rage 2
Streets of Rage 3
Strider
Super Street Fighter 2
T2: The Arcade Game
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Toejam & Earl: Panic on Funkitron
Toxic Crusaders
Turrigan
Universal Soldier
Urban Strike
Winter Olympic Games ‘94
World Series Baseball
WWF Raw
WWF Super Wrestlemania
WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game
X-Men
Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Sega 32X (3)

Doom
Star Wars Arcade
Virtua Racing

Sony Playstation (15)

Fighting Force
Grand Theft Auto
The King of Fighters ‘99
Loaded
Mortal Kombat Mytologies: Sub Zero
Mortal Kombat Trilogy
Putter Golf
Resident Evil: Director’s Cut
Resident Evil 2
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
Silent Hill
Tekken 2
Twisted Metal
Twisted Metal 2
WCW vs. The World

Sony Playstation 2 (31)

Batman Vengeance
Devil May Cry
Devil May Cry 2
Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening
God of War
Gran Turino 3: A-Spec
Grand Theft Auto 3
Grand Theft Auto Vice City
Guitar Hero 2
Hot Shots Golf 3
Hot Shots Golf Fore!
Hulk: Ultimate Destruction
Lego Star Wars 2: The Original Trilogy
Madden 2002
Midnight Club
Oni
Onimusha
Onimusha 2
Prince of Persia: Sands of Time
Resident Evil: Code Veronica X
Silent Hill 2
Silent Hill 3
Smuggler’s Run
Sonic Mega Collection Plus
Star Wars Jedi Starfighter
Star Wars Starfighter
Street Fighter EX3
Tekken Tag Tournament
Twisted Metal Black
Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Beginning of Destiny
Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Duelists of the Roses

Xbox 360 (5)

Army of Two
Guitar Hero Smash Hits
Guitar Hero World Tour
Left 4 Dead
NHL ‘09

New project, quick thoughts, and something goofy

2009-07-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hey folks...well...all 23 people who have checked out the blog.

New Project!!!

There is going to be a new segment coming to the site soon, where my friend Brian and I start to do video game review...both old and new.

You must be thinking to yourself, "Why, what a unique and original concept to bring to the internet. About time I say!"

It will probably start out as another Blogspot page until we figure out how to set up a camera, record game footage, get on youtube or (preferably) blip.tv. I am actually pretty excited about this project, and hope to make at least one person entertained. It should be started up within the next few weeks, so stay tuned. I will be keeping N:TAS up and running thought with my always insightful thoughts on random crapola.

Speaking of random shit...

Ben Roethlisberger

Does anyone out there really believe this guy raped that chick? When your are as rich as he is, you don't need to rape girls to get laid. I am sure this guy is getting enough ass to feed a third world country. He could probably walk down the streets of Pittsburgh, PA, go up to any random hottie, say "lets fuck," and he will have his dick wet. Not to mention this fraud never reported it at the time of it happening. There isn't awoman alive who wouldn't run right to the cops with some fresh, Superbowl winning jizz in thier cooters and not go right for the jugular in a lawsuit.

JSA: Thy Kingdom Come

For all you comics fans out there, if you don't know by now, Justice Society of America is amazing. I have been out of the loop of comics for a little while now, but still pick up GN's (graphic novels) from time to time of the latest collections. I have to say, this storyline rocks, and I can't wait to pick up the second half of it. For anyone who has not checked out the new JSA run yet, do it, you will not be disappointed.

Fun way to pass time

I just got back from a week in Cape May, NJ and played a rather fun and very mature game with friends. Basically it involves changing the names of movies and replacing it with something dirty. Everyone thinks of something like this from time to time, but we spent 2 hours doing it with one word, seeing how much funnier and more offensive it can get. Here aresome of the standouts...

50 First Bonks
The Last Splooge of Christ
No Erections for Old Men
Honey, I Dingled the Kids

And of course...

Schindler's Erection (Dingle and Splooge also work as well)

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

2009-07-15T00:29:00.001-07:00

If I can quote a dear friend of mine, "Tonight I truly was a world traveler."

This is going to be a quick review of the new Harry Potter movie. I just got back from the midnight showing and had a few things to get off my chest.

First off, a little background. I really do not know the whole Harry Potter storyline. Before seeing this movie, I read the first book and that was about it. I thought the book was alright, just was not my thing. I don't know the story, don't know what happened in the 4 books/movies I missed up to this, don't even know how this movie is different from the book. I think this gives me a good, unbiased perspective when it comes to reviewing it.

The movie itself was pretty good. The first 40 minutes or so are pretty boring before it starts to pick up. Like I said, I had no idea what was going on, but you really don't need to know too much about the events leading up to this to get the movie. The movie throws enough pieces at you to piece together exactly what is going on. The acting was passable, if not a bit overdone. The effects were good, but then again, what effects aren't good these days? The plot was predictable but enjoyable, and the pacing picked up pretty well in the second and third acts. For a movie over 2 hours, it kept me entertained pretty well.

7/10

Now, the reason I am a world traveler is not from the trek to get to the movie, or the movie itself. The true experience was being around all the die hard Harry Potter fans. I have been to geeky opening nights before. I was at Star Wars EP III and Watchmen, but nothing compares to the crowd you will find at these movies. If you have ever been to a Wizard World convention, imagine that, only about wizards, and crammed into a much smaller space. I will say, these are some of the most die hard fans you will find.

They are also some of the worst human beings to ever be born. That may sound a bit harsh, but no, these people are just awful. I am not falting them for being nerdy because I am about as nerdy as they come. I can see being a fanboy/girl about something but COME ON. They are loud, obnoxious, think everything they say is funny, crave attention, and just make going out to the movies as terrible an experience as it can get. I have been to comic book conventions, competed in tabletop tournaments, but I have never, EVER, been privy to the spectacle that these people put on. For fuck sake, have a little self respect people.

These people make me feel old, and I am only 23. I think it's time for early retirement.

Thoughts on the recent deaths

2009-07-10T00:24:00.000-07:00

So in this post I am going to talk about some of the recent celebrity deaths and how I feel about each one. I might misspell some of the names, but I don't really care.

Farrah Fawcett

I am too young to have watched Charlie's Angels or to think she was a sex symbol. My dad had a poster of her, but that didn't even look that good to me. Does not affect me.

Michael Jackson

Wow, could this be getting any more media coverage. That tribute show was bull, everyone making him out to be more than he was. They hinted at the problems of his life, but never delved into it, making him see more tragic than then nut job he really was.

David Carradine

INXS anyone? This one really came out of left field. All I have to say is that is a sucky way to be remembered by your family.

Steve McNair

Turned out he was more of a pimp off the field than he was on. Damn shame.

Billy Mayes

From what everyone says, it seems like he was a nice guy. It was a shame, he was always entertaining to watch.

Ed McMahon

I was surprised he was still alive. He lived a good life, no feelings here.

Twitter

2009-06-17T10:39:00.001-07:00

Seriously...wtf is it with this thing? Why do people like it? Are people becoming that so self absorbed that every thought that goes through their head is gold? This is coming from someone who has a blog people.

I used to think having a blog was the height of being self absorbed...but no...nonono. Blogs are self absorbed...but they dont hold a candle to the kind of ass butter that gets spewed from the mouths of people who can only top out at 140 characters.

The worst part needs to be the celebrities who are on there. In this world, celebrities are already put on a pedistol of greatness, why the hell do they need a blog. They bitch enough election season as it is, why do we need to hear from them every day now? And the worst part is, thousands of people subscribe to just head their everyday bullshit.

The worst is Ashton Kutcher...that guy needs to stop...or be stopped. Lets look at one of his more thought provoking posts shall we?

"I hate the after working out feeling like I'm gonna throw up feeling. I hate it, but I love it. lol"

Wow, bad grammar, pointless, and a "lol" for good measure. This is the tripple threat of stupid people. Even worse he has over 2 million people following his everyday bullshit. This is worse than "Twilight" being considered a movie. This is worse than another Obama bailout. This is worse than 4 more years of Bush. Twitter needs to go.

Top 5 Anime

2009-05-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

Now, the anime culture has really exploded in america in the past few years. I am only in my early 20's, so i was not really around for the full development of the franchise in the states. I know that college kids would get bootlegged versions of Akira, get then dubbed, and pass them along to their friends. Now, its huge, with tons of geeks doing cosplay of naruto or inuyasha at conventions all over the country.

I am not the biggest anime freak in the world. I have my ones that I enjoy, but I do not go out of my way to discover new ones or to really expand my horizons. If I happen to come across one I like, then I will probably really get into it though, as is the case with these ones I am going to talk about.

Without further ado, here is my top 5 favorite anime series.

Number 5 - Blue Gender

This is probably going to be the least well known series on this list. It is a series about a guy who gets a disease, gets frozen in the present day, and gets woken up in the future, where alien insects have taken over the world. It is a really bleak look on the future, but really develops the characters well. I never actually got to finish this, so I will have to pick up the box set eventually. Even without knowing how it ends. it is a great show. The animation quality is spot on too, and the fight scenes are exciting and brutal.

Number 4 - Tenchi Muyo!

This was the series that launched the Tenchi franchise. The first thing that drew me to this show was the opening. The music is just soooo good. It's nuts. Youtube the TenchiMuyo opening (ryo-ohki opening) and tell me I am wrong. The original series was an OVA that lasted only 6 episodes, but was really enjoyable to watch. It is about a group of girls who all make their way to Earth for different reasons, and wind up living with Tenchi. Not going to ruin this or any of the spinoffs but this leads to really funny and awkward situations, and also to some great action as well.

Number 3 - Cowboy Bebop

Wow, I don't think there is really anything that needs to be said about this series. If you know anime, or even just watched Adult Swim in the early days, you know what I am talking about. Great characters, great animation, great story, great premise, amazing soundtrack...nuff said.

Number 2 - Trigun

This series rocks. There is no other way to put it. Vash the Stampede quickly became one of my favorite characters in any medium. He has everything that a great hero needs, but also has an incredible sense of humor. I don't know how many times this series had me pissing my pants. Wolfwood was another amazing character. Not ruining anything, but this is a series that needs to be watched to be believed. I think it only has about 30 episodes too, to it is not a major investment, but oh is it worth it.

Number 1 - Dragonball / DBZ

At first, I was just going to put DBZ on here, but I could not bring myself to not include DB either. DB was more about adventure and comedy with great action thrown in, where DBZ was all about the epic fight. It stayed true to its roots though with lots of good comedy, and amazing character development in both series. By watching this series through, you really develop a love of all the characters, and really appreciate the evolution of Goku, Gohan, Piccolo, and especially Vegeta. Hell, even Mr. Satan turned into a really well developed character...and he was only around for little over an arc and a half. Every series on this list only had a set number of episodes only averaging around 30, but DB had over 250 episodes, and DBZ had almost 300. Still, the series is more than worth the time put into it.

Star Trek (2009)

2009-05-10T17:19:00.000-07:00

God damn, it has been a while since I wrote on here.

Sorry for the lack of updates to all 8 people who have checked out my blog. I promise to bring more soon.

So, the way A-Rod and Manny are all you hear about in baseball, Star Trek is the big topic in nerd culture right now. Is JJ Abrams' take on this venerable franchise enough to bring new life into it?

YES, YES, DEAR LORD HOLY FUCK YES

Spoliers ahead...maybe

The Plot

The plot was a little lacking, but hey, it is Star Trek. You never get a happy in-between when it comes to Star Trek, the plots are either really good or really bad, with filler in between. I consider Insurrection to be a filler movie. While the plot was about space travel and alternate dimensions, it worked. It wasn't anything new or spectacular, but it was enough to please the old fans and to bring in new ones.

The Cast

I cannot believe how well this movie was casted. Chris Pine, who I did not know before this, did a kick ass job as Kirk. While he did not imitate Shatner's speech patterns, he was able to keep the attitude of Kirk alive and well. Also, anytime he addressed Bones or Spock was spot on. Karl Urban did a...scary job of Bones. It was as if DeForest was brought back to life and aged into his 30's. Simon Pegg, who I love, did a kick ass job as Scottie, and was the perfect comic foil for this movie. Every character was cast really well, and really upped the quality of this movie.

The Effects

Awesome, but what do you expect. The len flares were a bit much, but I it didn't bother me.

Final Thoughts

I like to consider this the Casino Royale of the Star Trek franchise. This movie was fresh, intelligent, and overall entertaining. A perfect summber blockbuster, that takes an important part of my childhood in the right direction.

4.5/5

New way of naming years

2009-03-31T22:14:00.000-07:00

You know what? I am not a big fan of Jesus. Not really in the biblical sense, and if he is what floats your boat then that is cool too. I just hate the fact that this guy gets the A.D. and B.C. done all around him. WTF is that about? (yes, I know it's the roman calendar and the history behind it)

I think it's time we have a new time deity, and I think I know just the man for the job...

John Candy

That's right, John Fucking Candy. John Candy rocks and every one of his movies is a classic...well maybe except Boris and Natasha: The Movie. Ignoring that, he is the shit, and I propose a new system. We will restart the calendar from the year 1950, the year this great man was born. Also you can forget about your childish B.C. meaning "before Christ." I got your new year system right here

B.C. - Before Candy
D.C - During Candy
A.D. - After Death (of Candy)

If you think about it, this can work really well and with relatively little confusion.

Take the bombing of pearl harbor, instead of that happening in 1941 A.D. , it will happen in 9 B.C.

JFK's assassination - 13 D.C.

GW Bush's election - 6 A.D.

It really does make perfect sense if you think about it. If you think I am wrong about this...then you are wrong.

Left 4 Dead

2009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I made a top 5 list of my favorite video games. One game that I constantly have fun with these days is the zombie epic, Left 4 Dead. For those who don't know, this game is really just a survival game, surviving from zombies that is. Now, lets think about this for a second. Survival games are fun, but for the most part they are part of the survival horror genre. This game does not fit into that since really...that game is not scary. It isn't meant to be though. This game is all about zombie blasting action.

The Plot

The plot is simple, you are part of a group of 4 people who is trying to survive swarm after swarm of zombies. There is no reason to play as one character over any other, since they are all play the same.

Single Player / Co-Op

In the single player or 2 person coop mode, you go through each of the 4 campaigns trying to survive. Each campaign has 5 levels to it, with the difficulty increasing for each one. Each level after the first involves a big horde that comes at you after something is triggered. When you are doing single player, the other three characters are controlled by the computer. In this way, there is no difference playing either single or coop, except the screen is smaller. Also, if you have a friend who is good, they are much more valuable that then computer AI, which is lackluster to say the best.

Online play

This is where the game truly shines. You can only play (for now) two of the campaigns from the single player. You will be put onto one of two teams, either the survivors from before or as one of the 4 special zombies (boomer, 2 hunters, or smoker). Also, at points during the levels a player will randomly be turned into the tank, basically the only boss type character of the game. You will play through all 5 levels of a campaign, and after each level you switch sides. That means if you started out as the survivors, you will become the infected and do the level all over again. Whoever survives the longest, with the most health, or makes it farthest in the level will win, as a point system is dedicated to each.

Online is definitely the way to go with this game. By playing humans, you are always up against a new strategy and different difficulties of the players. This is the only real way to play left 4 dead. Also, in the future the other campaigns will be included with online play, so watch out for that, as well as a new mode.

Overall, it is a fun game that comes and goes. It is not the only game that I play, but it is a nice pick up and play kind of game for short intervals of fun or extreme annoyance, depending on your teammates.

8/10

"Just Friends" = bullshit

2009-03-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a review of the Ryan Reynolds movie (which is hilarious btw). I am talking about the worst thing a guy can hear when he is trying to go out with a girl. Thats right, the "just friends" line. You know what? This should be changed. It's not like saying "hey, lets just be friends" makes the guy feel any better. In fact, I would say it makes them feel worse. I know it makes me feel worse...every time I hear it...and it is a lot.

I have an idea, how about this. Instead of saying lets "be friends," every girl in the world says "Hey, I like you as a person, but not enough to make me want to be with you. Since I don't want to hurt your feelings since you have not been a complete asshole to me, I will allow you the honor and privelege of being an acquaintance. That way, you can still hang out with me, and hope beyond hope to one day be with me, while I go out with other guys and get my cooch railed by them. Then, when they eventually dick me over, I can come to you because you're the good, supportive friend."

Or, you can just tell me to fuck off. Either way, it is better that hearing that god-damned phrase every again.

Office Life

2009-03-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Now, I may come off as an angry guy on here, but that is for a number of reasons. Besides my plethora of issues, the main reason is because nothing that makes me happy is interesting.

One thing that does not make me happy is working in an office.

I really cannot imagine anything worse than spending the rest of my life working in an office. I know this gets beaten to death by every person you know in an office, but it is the truth. It is dull, you do mindless work, and you die a little on the inside every day you are there. There is no bright spot in your future, unless you bullshit your way to a position in upper management. What happens then? You have more responsibility, get paid more, but also have to worry a lot more about your job and have to spend a lot more of your free time doing shit.

I am only 23, and I have already had enough office job experience to know that I hate it. I hate sitting around for 9 hours, in front of a computer, doing the same task over and over again. Sure the projects are different, but they all wind up needing the same amount of time, brainpower, and patience to get through it. By patience, I mean the ability to do the same thing over and over again without blowing your brains out.

Even worse is the lunchtime conversations. Anyone who works in an office knows the drill. One guy talks about home improvement, another talks about cars, one might bring up sports, and one might try to go political every other week. If you are not fluent in one of these subjects...you are fucked and get looks like you're the weird quiet guy in the office. Great, not only do these people already bore me to death, they don't want to be friendly either.

I need to get famous soon, or at least find a way to whore myself that won't involve me every wearing a business casual outfit in a cubicle again.

Facebook rant

2009-03-17T15:57:00.001-07:00

This really isn't a rant on facebook itself. In fact, I am on facebook and enjoy it a lot. The thing that pisses me off about it is the people who go god damned crazy over it. Don't know what I am talking about? Read this article...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-willman/facebooks-lousy-facelift_b_175358.html

All I ask is one simple question:

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!

Really, who gives this much of a shit about facebook. OH NO, I CAN'T POST A PHOTO AS EASILY AS I USED TO...I HAVE TO CLICK AN EXTRA BUTTON!!!!

I do not blame this guy for the article though, because really, it is an article that people are going to read. He is doing his job. The problem is the fact I have seen it posted 5 times on my news feed. Every time the site changes, people bitch and moan about how much they hate the new facebook. I have been on there since 04, around the time it first started. Over the years, the site has changed it's format. Have I cared in the least? NO! Sure, it is inconvient to have to re-learn how to use the site, but it isn't that hard. There is no reason for every person on the site to clutter my news feed with great status updates like "Random D-bag hates the new facebook." Sorry, not status updates, things on their minds.

The simple fact of the matter is that 90% of the users will bitch and moan, say they are going to boycott, and write stupid articles. Guess what comes from that? They still go on every time they go online, learn how to use it, learn to like it, then bitch when it changes again.

Hey, how bout this? Why don't we all just go kill ourselves over the sheer insignifigance of it all?

I hate people.

Quick rant on CGi

2009-03-06T23:53:00.001-08:00

Computer Generated Images are not special effects....why? BECAUSE THEY ARE IN EVERY MOVIE!!!!!

What makes it so special if anyone with a few years of programming knowledge can do the same thing?

Before I go any further, no...no I cannot do it, and I wish I could.

My gripe isn't with the people making the CG, but with the directors and producers who decide that they can save a few bucks by making everything look completely cheap.

Off the top of my head, I can name some movies that I had real problems with it...

1.) Watchmen (surprise!) - I know how hard it is to make a character like Doc Manhattan translate onto the big screen from a comic book. I get it. The fact of the matter is is that he just looked too ridiculous. I liked the way he looked when it was just a guy in makeup. Is it so hard to just make that a lighter color, and have him go darker when he is on TV?

Also, I hated the fact they threw in CG for most of the fight scenes that I stayed for. When Dan is breaking that guy's arm, did it need to be a CG arm of it's flesh ripping? It just could not be the old Hollywood standard of a realistic prosthetic? Or how about when the Comedian shot through the guy's leg...same problem.

2.) Underworld 3 (Rise of the fake looking werewolves) - For the 3 people who went and saw this movie, you know where I am coming from on this. While the first two movies weren't cinematic masterpieces, they were at least entertaining, with the effects being enough for the transformations, but the characters were in great makeup and costumes. It gave it at least a sense of more realism (as real as vampires and werewolves can get.) Anyone who saw this knows that it is all CG, from the transformation to the action scenes to every last damn time we see them. Ugly and cheesy, all I need to say. The rest of the movie sucked too, but the CGi didn't help.

3.) 10,000 B.C. - Man, I get dragged to some shitty movies. This borefest is just a joke and theangrybooth.com does a much better job of ripping this movie a new asshole than I can. All I have to say is the CG could not have made the Sabertooth Tiger or the Wolly Mammoths any more ridiculous. Too bad they did not throw in the Tyranasaurus, Triceratops, and Pterydactyl for good measure, then the whole power rangers gang could have been in involved in that Roland Emmerich gem. Too bad there wasn't a Zord battle, it would have at least been entertaining while staying as true to the time in question as the rest of the movie did.

I think I am starting to see a trend here. Where is the best place to find a bad CGI? Bad movies. Looking at you Star Wars: the Clone Wars.

I think the main thing this does is make me appreciate more when real effects are used in a movie. Team America World Police looked more realistic than any of these crapfests. Why? They used real explosions, real effects, and built the whole sets. Hollywood is in a sad state of affairs when a movie with puppets looks more credible than half the crap that gets pumped out today.

Watchmen

2009-03-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

Zack Snyder is a hack.

There, it needed to be said and I said it.

You don't like it? Go and cry to your Leonidas Poster and your "This is Sparta!" meme. Maybe he pulled an M. Night on us by giving us his best too early on in his career...when what he did was fresh and exciting. The Dawn of the Dead remake is great, in fact, it kicks ass. It kicked my ass when I saw it and it kicked your ass when you watched it. It kicks my ass everytime I watch it.

Even though I just bashed 300, I still enjoyed the movie, I just hate how overhyped it is. Yes, it is a cool movie to watch. Yes, the style it was presented in was awesome. No, it isn't the best movie of all time. It is not the best action movie, it is not the best adapted graphic novel movie. It is good, just not THAT good.

That brings me back to the title of this little article, Snyder's latest "graphic novel meets big screen" delight known as the Watchmen.

I am not going to bore you with the backstory of Watchmen, the plot, or even the development hell that the movie was in before it came out. Also, I am going to say right now that I am not dropping spoilers. If you don't know the story by now, your not going to by watching the movie. Read the book then come back to this review.

I think if one word had to summarize how I felt about this movie, that word would be BORING. Now you would think, a movie that is so true to the source material would be awesome right? No. No you would not.

I will give credit where credit is due. The movie (at least the half that I stayed for) stayed very true to the source material, basically every line of dialogue was coming right from the pages of the book itself. I don't know if it was the acting, the actors, the filming, the pacing or what that made it so boring, it just did. In fact, I do know what it was, it was everything I just listed.

To say the acting was uninspired is to give this a lot more credit than it deserves. Everyone just looked as bored making it as I did watching it. Rorschach sounded just like Christian Bale's Batman, without the intensity (and yes, I know in the comic he spoke monotone). Doc Manhattan looked absolutely ridiculous, and once again, no intensity. Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre II both had forgettable performances. The Comedian...I am sorry...but wow. His monologues are really supposed to pull you in. They are supposed to give you a good sense of the truly sadistic side of this character. When you hear him say these lines in the movie...it just does not carry over.

Ozy was good. There. 1 good actor in this entire movie. To anyone who wants to know why I am not saying the actors names, it is because I don't care what their names are, they don't deserve to be cared about.

Alright, now that the actors are out of the way lets go to how it was filmed and edited. I am going to keep this short, because there is too much I can go into. I hated the way every scene needed it's own song. The opening sequence went on way too long. Not every scene needs to be in slo-mo.

Another thing that killed me about this movie was the pacing. There is just too much story going on in Watchmen to fit into a movie. Any movie. This movie goes on for almost three hours (I had to look that up), and it still did not give you enough story to understand what the hell was going on. When my two friends and I left at the halfway point (around 1:40 in the morinng after a 12:20 start) my friend Jon who never read the book was speechless. My other friend and I were just pissed, because we knew, and loved, Watchmen. Jon though, he just looked shocked. He had NO idea what was going on. When you have a movie where when your an hour and twenty minutes in and the plot has still not really started to develop, you are in trouble. That was the first thing out of his mouth, "What was the plot, Where was it?"

The whole thing just felt rushed. It might be the only time where I am mad that they stayed so close to the source material. If you are going to make an entertaining movie out of this, you need to do 1 of three things.

1.) Cut out some of the story. In the book, there is just way too much going. Cut down on the story, or the number of characters, just to make it a little more easy on the viewer. Also, with so much backstory and so much going on being shown, you never know what direction the movie is going. You go from the funeral, to Doc Manhattan backstory, to the Comedian's cryfest, to something else with no real transition or explanation of why everything is happening. I know the story. I read the book a ton of times. I had trouble keeping up.

2.) Split up the story into multiple movies. This is for the same reason as stated before, but you just can't rush a story like this. It needs to be breathed in and analyzed just so you can get the subtle ways everything is connecting together.

3.) Do not shoot the movie like it is a bunch of music videos slapped together. Every scene has a new song. Every scene goes on way too long. If you don't like the song, you are going to probably hear the whole thing. With the randomness of the scenes, the way nothing is connected, and the song per scene aspect, it really does look like a collage of music videos about comic heroes.

I could keep going about this, but I have gone on long enough. To sum it all up, it is boring, and just does not have that "wow" factor. In the comic, Comedian's speech about the American dream, or Rorschach telling the joke were really well done parts that left me wanting more from now only the character development, but from the story itself. In the film, it was boring and laughable.

There you have it. Hopefully I just saved you 3 hours of your life and $10.

An Intro to Me

2009-03-06T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone.

First, I would like to say thanks for checking out my blog. I used to think that blogs were just a forum for people with nothing to say...and well...I guess that makes me one of them. Actually, my first review is actually the reason I decided to do this, besides my love of people like the AVGN, Linkara, Spoony, and anyone from Bored Shitless, Game Heroes, TGWTG, and the like.

That's right, it's my job to give my opinion on the stuff that matters to me...and even more so the stuff that doesn't matter.

I am not going to be sticking to one subject, but I'll be hitting everything pop culture has to offer. Comics, sports, movies, music, video games, tv...nothing is safe.

Now, let the useless opinions being!!!!!!